When life gives you lemons, make something pretty out of them before you turn sour.
I have been a little depressed lately. It's not the winter blues, because personally I love all the seasons, as long as the sun is shining. Really, I do not even have to look very deep to know what my issues are. I know them, just not sure how to fix them. I told myself I would not post any depressing post on here about myself. But if there is one thing I can say about myself that I am truly proud of is that I always keep things real. Well funny I should say that because that is what is bothering me. I'm having a very hard time being true to myself and not offending certain people and still being part of somethings that I truly enjoy. Having a Disease that only attacks your self esteem teaches you early on about self-worth. You have to learn what you love about yourself because it surly is not your looks in the mirror. Also having this disease I have learned to seek out friends who are also not worried about their outer appearance. Years can go by and sometimes I'm not even challenged by it. And then sometimes EVERYDAY you have something thrown in your face. It's what I call people feeding me poison. And when I'm drinking in their poison, I then start to face the UN words. The UN words are not kind. They show up everywhere I go. I hear their teasing voice in my head.
Unworthy~ Ungrateful~ Unlovable~ Undeserving~ Unattractive~ Unkind which all leads me straight down the path to Unhappiness.
Don't worry I do not plan to walk down this path very long. I'll get back up soon straighten my wig and find an antidote.
Meanwhile I'll leave you with a question for yourself. Can people see your heart or just your reflection in the mirror?
Okay, I've written a comment and then erased it about 100 times. I'm so not good with words. I am sorry that you are going through this and hope peace finds you soon. I totally appreciate that you do keep things real, all the time. I'm currently having some personal struggles and I keep telling myself I need to put my big girl panties on and move past it all but I'm not finding that so easy. Hang in there girlfriend! Maybe next time the boys get together we need to as well (and that right there is one of my issues - the time thing, ugh). Hugs! Kate
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what your talking about!! We all have our personal struggles and trials that we have to go through but we need to remember that we are not perfect and never will be! It is also the same problem I have...for instance, comparing myself to others or not being enough!! Do not ever feel like your alone because your not! It will get better, I promise! I just can't tell you when! You can only be the perfect you and as far as I can see that is pretty darn good!! I am here for you!
ReplyDeleteCall me anytime!
Heather Charles
Remember the silly time we had laughing at my kitchen table? I think that we wouldn't be able to laugh that much - and make others laugh - if we didn't have sometimes equally strong ick feelings.
ReplyDeleteEvery now and then it flashes through my mind your image of me gathering the horses (and dogs and pig) with my arms spread out and the animals just magically coming to me, I forget how you put it, you were much funnier than those two sentences, but every time I think of that, I laugh. I know THAT image is going to stick with me for years.
Mental ickiness is human nature, but our unique senses of humor aren't necessarily - they are developed over time and I think how we deal with the ick times. I'm just saying....
ps: It's Mary. I signed in to my (little used) Google acct, and it still posted this as 'unknown', although now that I'm writing this, seriously, exactly how many people do I expect you to know who have told you stories that included horses, dogs, and pigs? And don't forget the spitting llama (r.i.p.), the treed chicken, and the kitten determined to get into my car. But just in case you've heard that story from more than one source, I figured I'd identify myself. See, you feel better already, right? Even just for like that nano-second? My work here is done.
I think you are UNderestimating yourself, and you are UNdeniably beautiful (inside and out), and you are UNbelievably talented. So, my friend, just remember that you have others who care about you and think you're pretty darn special. (PS... I suffer from depression and chronic pain. So, I am in no way making light of your feelings - I'm just trying to lift you up and make you smile)
ReplyDeleteHaving been through a crushing period of depression and still having to recognize and deal with it when it sneaks slowly back in my life I can only say. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteAs for your question.. passerbys can only see what you see in the mirror which is what makes depression so easily hidden. But.. people who take the time can soon see your heart.
Hey Sarah, when I read this post, my heart was breaking. I hope to God I never said anything to upset you. I know all to well the struggles you are facing right now. I too am dealing with the same thing. Most times I try to put on a happy face as to not bring everyone else down. Or i just pretend they don't exist. None of which are healthy. I just want you to know that I think you are awesome. You are one of the most real people I know, and I love that about you!! I try to keep it real in a honest and fair way most of the time too. Man it is hard!! Anyways, chin up girl, I think we women need to stick together . (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteXOXO
April